He’s Not Ready For A Relationship

Breaking Down The Psychobabble:

CINDERELLA, from left: Prince Charming, Cinderella, 1950, ©Walt Disney Pictures/courtesy Everett Collection

KAY LOVEN

Her take: “I was set up with a guy through mutual family friends. He said ‘I love you’ after three months, and I reciprocated a month later. He introduced me to his friends and family, who all told us they loved us together. But after five months of dating and him saying he could see a future with me, he told me that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and dumped me to hook up with random girls instead.” -Annamaria L., 19

Expert take: “It sounds like Annamaria’s ex-deals with emotions intensely—he’s either in love or sleeping around,” Davis says. “I have a few clients who have similar dispositions, and once they make up their minds, there’s no changing it.” Relationship expert, Lissa Coffey, says many men also look more at what they’re losing than what they’re gaining when things start really getting serious. This guy wasn’t truly ready for a relationship.

Kay Loven’s take: Coffey says it sounds like the young Casanova deals with emotions intensely, and she’s right. We young romantics do. We romantics can’t help it. Casanova for coming on strong in the beginning and declaring his undying love for you. HeWe want to hook up fast and try things out. We are attractive, smooth-talking, with our whole life ahead of us. Young love doesn’t last forever. You can’t be too mad at us because we broke things off with you. Forgive your Casanova for coming on strong in the beginning. He was drunk off pheromones, lust, imagination, and the yearning in his loins. He was feeling things he never felt before.

Sensual contact can really play with our imaginations. We can get into sweaty and sticky situations quickly, but can you blame us for wanting to clean off once we are done. We are new at this, gaining first experiences like access to breasts and really hot girlfriends. We are just learning where to put our hands. Of course, we can’t marry you, when you’re only 19, and we haven’t even left our early twenties. This is a new generation. Have some patience and be willing to wait until at least your 30’s. We thought we were in love because you let us play with your boobies all the time and bought the beer, but we haven’t even started our first real job.

It’s not that he’s not ready for a relationship, it’s that he is only ready for a relationship in the moment, not a relationship that makes an unrealistic promise of standing the test of time. The truth is this is a healthy approach to relationships, taking it day by day, but we fall into the trap of making unrealistic promises because of a high-pressure society wrapped up in marriage. Marriage cannot be the reason you are dating someone, or it won’t work out. If ladies could relax and cut guys a little slack, then we could tell you the truth.

THE TRUTH: We can only love you a day at a time. Every day we love you is another day our relationship survives.

 

This article first appeared on Story Chick APRIL 19, 2016